Guilty Pleasures

Some thoughts on hamburgers.

OK, I know anybody with the slightest pretense to being a gourmet, a serious food thinker or a civilized human being is supposed to recoil with horror from most if not all chain produced burgers. In general I do, but like most people there are some chain products that I will enjoy on the quiet

a. McDonalds still have the best fries, always have. The Big Mac is a disgrace but their Angus Burger is compared to the others not a bad burger. I’m talking about the “plain” not tarted up versions. Not bad, especially for the money. The other burgers range from misses to lousy. However if there is a place besides the fries that McDonalds delivers the goods it is at Breakfast, the egg mcmuffin is pretty good and the sausage and egg biscuit is good, if you omit the cheese which doesn’t add any taste and in my opinion is like a gooey plastic.

b. The Wendy’s basic hamburger is not bad at all, in fact it is probably the best big chain burger of the lot.

c. OK here it comes, I’m now and always have been a sucker for Carl’s Western Bacon Cheese Hamburger. There I said it and it’s true. The basic “$6 Burger” is better than most. I don’t think the other hyper burger versions are as good and most of them go from decadent to insane sloppy feats of shameless gluttony. The one that oozes all over the lovely Padma is out and out pornography saying telling us more about the Indian beauty than the sandwich. The Famous Star is a good burger, almost as good as Wendy’s classical basic burger.

d. Jack in the Box make a Sourdough Hamburger that is almost as addictive as the Western Bacon Cheese Burger. This is the west coast take on the classic Paddy Melt which is on rye with swiss or provolone. The other thing I admit to liking at Jack’s is their Super Taco which is pretty damned good for a bunch of gavachos from San Diego.

e. Burger King is number two in the chain world. They are in second place for good reason. As Winston Churchill said of his counter part across the House, Clement Attlee, “He is modest man with a lot to be modest about.” I can’t summon up the slightest guilty pleasure for anything on their menu. This is odd because almost every other chain has something they do well, Wendy’s baked potatoes, Del Tacol’s Fiesta Salad and real English Tetley's brewed ice tea with real lemon wedges -- just two examples. And it’s not that they haven’t tried innovations. They have and all were duds.

f. In’n Out. Sure the burger is good, but for me I wish it was bigger by about half. I don’t like the double double, but I would like the regular burger to be bigger so one is enough.

g. I have only had one Sonic Burger and was surprised, but I don’t know enough to say more than the place is different and warrants further study. Some people I know who spend time in the Central Valley swear by Sonic as the Prince of chain burger joints. It does have real Texas attitude.

h. Finally, what can I say about Tommy’s Chili Burger? It is an dependable old friend and a soul soothing bit of real LA. It doesn’t need any cheese. If you don’t like it, then move to Seattle and live sunless in the gray mist under gloomy dripping conifers and drive a mud spattered Subaru down the clammy streets and endure the musty smell of wet wool sweaters and over roasted coffee fumes.

Pax vobiscum. (Catholic for Aloha, Shalom and Salaam)

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Only the locals know.

In most places there is an iconic local fast food item or two that everybody knows and assumes you do too. In LA I would nominate Tommy’s Chili Burgers and Pink’s Chili Dogs. In the Long Beach area it would be the Burger at Hof’s Hut, the iconic Southern California full dress hamburger -- what a New Yorker would call “one ‘a dem California salads on a poi’fectly good hamburger.” (New Yorkers like a burger with mustard and grilled onions just like they like Dogs with mustard & sauerkraut, punchy handfuls that would not get far on this sunny coast.)

Where I grew up on the Oakland side of San Francisco Bay our icon fast food was a Casper’s hot dog. Casper’s began in the 1930’s and the local chain is still owned by the grandchildren of the Armenian founders. Like most iconic handfuls, it is and was simplicity itself -- a very good real Frankfurter on a bun with it’s garnish. At Casper's the steamed sausages were put into a warm steamed bun, about three inches shorter than than the Dog. Then a smear of mustard went on one side, a smear of pickle relish on the other and the cook then sliced two half rounds of onion and two wedges of fresh tomato and slipped them on top of the Dog. That was it. The onions and tomatoes were always sliced when the dog was made. The perfect west coast hot dog and one with a natural casing and the juicy “snap” when you took your first bite. All the garnishes were supporting players to the high quality old country tasting Frankfurter.

Late at night, for lunch, for a snack the Casper’s dog was and remains the Gold Standard of hot dogs. Originally and when I was a kid, that was it, that was what they sold at Casper’s although you could get a bag of potato chips if you wanted and sodas in bottles. At this time it was like that at Tommy’s in LA too. Today the menu has opened up and Casper’s serves chicken dogs, a chili dog, polish sausages and hot links. Still with potato chips, no fries. (Tommy’s has added fries over the years). My parent’s like to stop for a night cap Hot Dog on the way home from a night in San Francisco.

What make a place iconic is the simplicity and directness of their specialty and the good sense and commitment not to mess with it. Longevity is a hallmark of this commitment: Casper’s has been serving their hot dog since 1934, Tommy’s has been serving their chili burger since 1946, Pinks since 1940. All are family owned and this is also important.

In Pasadena there are some very interesting local burger joints, Lucky Boy Burger on Arroyo Seco across the side street from Trader Joe's with it’s big very California hamburger and huge greasy sacks of very good onion rings. You will find a very similar big burger at The Hat although the Hat is better known for their lavish salty Pastrami Sandwich on a large French Roll. Not a deli pastrami sandwich for sure, but it is as good a pastrami sandwich as was ever made by the goyim. One thing the sandwich could use is a better mustard. The quality of the sandwich calls for one with bite and depth, I’d love it if they stepped up and at least offered Gulden’s spicy brown mustard.

Pie & Burger near Cal Tech makes a very west coast burger that is so messy it runs down you forearms, drips onto the counter and down your chin. One thing about Pie & Burger is that you expect to see the four guys from “Big Bang” at one of the tables toward the back of the place. I would expect the very rigid Sheldon would order a customized burger that was both less messy and less fun. Wolf Burgers on Lake street offers a very good burger you get to customize to your exact spec’s along with good breakfasts and a big menu for a burger joint. Wolf Burgers is a good laid back California place with a lot of live potted plants that offers high grade ingredients and really wants to make it exactly the way you want. They have a nice patio to eat al fresco in good weather, which is the usual kind in Pasadena to the envy of all eastern people who watch the New Years Day Rose Parade and hear about it being seventy degrees in Pasadena when they are freezing.

As I said almost every town has it’s favorite if not iconic burger or sandwich, I know there is a place in Sacramento that is famous for making burgers encased and surrounded by melted cheese, there are joints in the Twin Cities that make cheese burgers with the cheese melted inside the meat patty. There are places that flame broil their burgers instead of grilling them on the steel flat top grill. Please use the comments box below to let me know about the favorite if not iconic burgers and dogs from your hometown. I know I have barely scratched the surface. Imagination, a lucky accident or mistake, long time loyalty all make for unique and much loved inventions. There are a lot of them out there.

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A great burger doesn't always come in a bun.

Hamburgers have become not just the great American fast food. Lately they have like cupcakes become a foodie obsession. Some are just made with care and the best available ingredients like those at Oinkster in Eagle Rock, the place that kicked off this fad locally. Now Oinster set out to prove that if you took care and skill, you could produce a perfect hamburger. They do and at a price not that much higher than ordinary fast food places.

Since then the foodies have swarmed and now we have ultra burgers for ten bucks each or more or hyper burgers for twenty or more bucks. The ultra burgers tend to be big, too big, often half a pound of beef. The hyper burgers are tarted up with special buns, exotic kinds of meat and lily gilding “gourmet” extra ingredients like fois gras, exotic bacon, rare mushrooms and so on and so forth. For me, I think what the Oinkster does is commendable and a revelation of what care and skill can do. For the ultra and hyper burgers, while sometimes interesting, even amazing, I find them decadent at best, just for show at worst.

Some off beat and different burgers come to mind. Trying to recapture them might be a much more useful thing than lily gilding and hyping the whole idea of hamburger sandwich. Three of the best burgers I’ve ever eaten all came with out the common hamburger bun. Yeah,they came on bread of one kind or another and were all the better for it.

USS Camden AOE-2 in South China Sea

The first is the US Navy “Midrats” burgers and cheese burgers. By old custom at sea around midnight the ship’s galley prepares a light meal for the on coming and off going watch. The “eve” watch runs from 8:00 pm to midnight, the “mid” watch from midnight to 4:00 am. From eleven thirty to twelve fifteen, the galley has a light meal for those about to take the watch and those coming off. Every couple days my ship served burgers, on the other days they had grilled ham and cheese sandwiches or cold roast beef from the evening meal. The burgers were grilled with or with cheese and slapped between slices of ship’s bread. This was not fluffy store bought bread, but chewy home made bread that didn’t go mushy or fall apart. Basic condiments were available including lettuce and pickles, tomatoes ran out a few days after we left port. These were great direct simple burgers that tasted rich and satisfying after four hours on deck in the dark, the wind and salt spray.

In the San Francisco Bay area many places served larger burgers (a third or half a pound of beef) on flat French or Italian rolls. This gave you something to hold onto and something to soak up the meat juices. Larry Blake’s on Telegraph Avenue in Berkeley had a great savory burger they served with a big helping of garlicky Caesar Salad not fries. It was ambrosia and salty enough to make sure you ordered another beer. The same was true of many places where you had a choice of a a hamburger or a linguiça, Italian, Polish or Louisiana Hot sausage sandwich. The sausages were split down the center and grilled until crusted then dropped into the big chew rolls and dresses with the usual condiments and garnishes. They were so big they came already cut in half. Great manly food.

The Joe’s restaurants around the Bay Area served and still serve their hamburgers in a long piece of sour dough baguette. Some hallow out the inside to fit the oblong burger, some don’t. Some mix raw onion into the meat before cooking, others give you grilled onions if you ask for them. None of the usual condiments outside mustard and catsup are provided, but honestly these high quality burgers really don’t need any extra flavoring.