Guilty Pleasures

Some thoughts on hamburgers.

OK, I know anybody with the slightest pretense to being a gourmet, a serious food thinker or a civilized human being is supposed to recoil with horror from most if not all chain produced burgers. In general I do, but like most people there are some chain products that I will enjoy on the quiet

a. McDonalds still have the best fries, always have. The Big Mac is a disgrace but their Angus Burger is compared to the others not a bad burger. I’m talking about the “plain” not tarted up versions. Not bad, especially for the money. The other burgers range from misses to lousy. However if there is a place besides the fries that McDonalds delivers the goods it is at Breakfast, the egg mcmuffin is pretty good and the sausage and egg biscuit is good, if you omit the cheese which doesn’t add any taste and in my opinion is like a gooey plastic.

b. The Wendy’s basic hamburger is not bad at all, in fact it is probably the best big chain burger of the lot.

c. OK here it comes, I’m now and always have been a sucker for Carl’s Western Bacon Cheese Hamburger. There I said it and it’s true. The basic “$6 Burger” is better than most. I don’t think the other hyper burger versions are as good and most of them go from decadent to insane sloppy feats of shameless gluttony. The one that oozes all over the lovely Padma is out and out pornography saying telling us more about the Indian beauty than the sandwich. The Famous Star is a good burger, almost as good as Wendy’s classical basic burger.

d. Jack in the Box make a Sourdough Hamburger that is almost as addictive as the Western Bacon Cheese Burger. This is the west coast take on the classic Paddy Melt which is on rye with swiss or provolone. The other thing I admit to liking at Jack’s is their Super Taco which is pretty damned good for a bunch of gavachos from San Diego.

e. Burger King is number two in the chain world. They are in second place for good reason. As Winston Churchill said of his counter part across the House, Clement Attlee, “He is modest man with a lot to be modest about.” I can’t summon up the slightest guilty pleasure for anything on their menu. This is odd because almost every other chain has something they do well, Wendy’s baked potatoes, Del Tacol’s Fiesta Salad and real English Tetley's brewed ice tea with real lemon wedges -- just two examples. And it’s not that they haven’t tried innovations. They have and all were duds.

f. In’n Out. Sure the burger is good, but for me I wish it was bigger by about half. I don’t like the double double, but I would like the regular burger to be bigger so one is enough.

g. I have only had one Sonic Burger and was surprised, but I don’t know enough to say more than the place is different and warrants further study. Some people I know who spend time in the Central Valley swear by Sonic as the Prince of chain burger joints. It does have real Texas attitude.

h. Finally, what can I say about Tommy’s Chili Burger? It is an dependable old friend and a soul soothing bit of real LA. It doesn’t need any cheese. If you don’t like it, then move to Seattle and live sunless in the gray mist under gloomy dripping conifers and drive a mud spattered Subaru down the clammy streets and endure the musty smell of wet wool sweaters and over roasted coffee fumes.

Pax vobiscum. (Catholic for Aloha, Shalom and Salaam)

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